It Takes What It Takes...
“Man, sometimes it takes you a long time to sound like yourself.” Miles Davis (shared with gratitude & respect)
In recovery, there seemingly is a pithy slogan that can be applied to fit every circumstance of life that arises. “It Takes What It Takes.” is one such slogan. I am feeling into that today, as I look back at my earlier posts from December 2019 and reflect on how I thought this was all imminent then…and yet, here we are.
In January 2016, I ill-advisedly found myself in the Bahamas in a place of painful self-reflection. For those of you that are Casablanca fans, you may recall the scene in Rick’s, an American nightclub owned by Richard Blaine, where Capitan Renault, the Free French Prefect of Police is conversing with Rick at his table and asks him why he is in Morocco;
RENAULT : “And what in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?”
RICK : “My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters .”
RENAULT : “Waters? What waters? We're in the desert .”
RICK : “I was misinformed.”
Part of the pain of that 2016 self-reflection was facing the fact that I, and I alone, was solely responsible for the advising that had brought me to that place. Another part of the pain was facing the fact that I believed deeply in the fantasy that I had an embodied spiritual practice…which was very clearly and definitively not the same thing as living in an actual embodied spiritual practice…which is what I sorely needed in the then-current circumstances I found myself in. What I did have to lean on, though, was a history of recovery from drug & alcohol addiction in which I had learned to recognize that these circumstances were not really random, and had likely been synchronistically prescribed such that I might realize, once again, that…”It Takes What It Takes.”
As I was flush in the excitement of December 2019 and thinking how easy this launch of a website was going to be, I was confronted with realities that caused self-reflection. I had to face the fact that while I had the fantasy of an embodied practice offering across 6 life functions, that was very clearly and definitively not the same thing as having an actual embodied practice offering across 6 life functions…and I was not prepared to open that door. For those of you that are yoga practitioners, you may recall the renowned story of the Yogi who was approached by a Mother who wanted the Teacher to take her young Son and learn him off of using sugar. The Teacher told the Mother; “Yes, I will take your Son. Please bring him here in 30 days.” Perplexed and somewhat mollified, the woman and boy go away and come back in 30 days. When she returns, the Mother says; “I am grateful, Guru-ji, however I must ask - why did you make us wait 30 days ?”. The Yogi replies; “Because, Matha, 30 days ago I did not know how not use sugar - and therefore could not teach your son.”
In my 2019 excitement, I had not yet felt into the fullness of the Self Care and Breath practices, and I needed to develop my experience of those offerings. I also had to further integrate and refine my practice across all 6 life functions in order to be able to share my experience more effectively. Additionally, as it turned out, circumstances aligned in a way that included a global pandemic which drove all of us into virtual relationships. For me, perhaps unsurprisingly, that was beneficial, as I was required to adjust and adapt my virtual space-holding practices with friends, associates, and clients in ways that have proven to be effective and successful, and which support my Offerings here. Finally, I will say that it continues to be a deep exercise in addressing my (life-long, closely held, and deeply felt) insecurities and inadequacies to even step out in this way and make this offering…to not give in to fear and to reach for courage…to dare to be seen without demanding to be attended to…to trust in Life, Source, and Presence moment-by-moment…all of which I work on…1 breath, 1 step, 1 day at a time. “It Takes What It Takes.”
In the end, it comes down to my belief that I was put here to serve; that I believe that my experience, insight, and practice is useful and portable; and that I want to share what I have found as a means to support others in finding what they need to find. And so, I do my work now, for now, to the best of my ability, with the intention that my efforts may be of benefit. “It Takes What It Takes.”